Really, self-love? Yes, I know. We´ve all heard it a thousand times: self-love is the key to happiness, better relationships, and more pleasure. It’s everywhere – social media, podcasts, books. It’s practically a slogan: just love yourself and everything will fall into place.
But let’s be honest – that’s Bullshit. It´s not that simple, and certainly not easy. Self-love isn’t a magic switch you can flip to solve your problems. For years, self-love used to annoy the hell out of me. Not because I didn´t believe in it, but because it´s so fucking hard.
Until I found out what self-love really is all about.
The Root of Self-Loss
We all have an innate need to belong, to feel love, and to be safe. To fulfill those needs, we often hide or deny parts of ourselves that don’t seem acceptable to others – or to society. Over time, this leads to self-loss, where we become disconnected from who we truly are.
But here’s the paradox: how can we love ourselves if we´re not even being our authentic selves? If we don´t know who we really are? When we feel disconnected from ourselves?
The key to self-love is authenticity. It’s about reconnecting with the deep you, the real you – not the version shaped by societal expectations or the desire to fit in.
Authenticity is finding a place within you. It is a space where your doubting ends and your grounding starts. You have hit the depths within. A sense of heavy goodness, embodiment, a sense of feeling home, a feeling of pleasure – a pleasure from within.
When we´re connected to ourselves, self-love arises naturally.
What Is the Self We Want to Love So Badly, Anyway?
The self is something we create through the choices we make, the sense of responsibility we approach our existence, and the way we use our freedom – despite the constraints we face. We are constantly shaping ourselves, defined by how we show up in the world.
But the self is so much more.
When we strip away the layers of societal conditioning, the fears, and the doubts, what remains? At the core of our existence, there is love. Yes my love, you are love. Not just an idea or a concept of love, but love in its most authentic, purest form. It is not a love that needs to be earned or achieved by becoming “better” or more acceptable – it is an inherent love that comes from aligning with your authentic self.
How Can You Connect to Your Authentic Self?
It starts with letting go of what was never truly you – the expectations, the masks, and the false narratives. I know, this is not simple at all; after all, your boss has rewarded you for years to wear these layers. It requires practice, patience and passion. Support can make all the difference. Together, we peel back the layers to uncover something surprising, something the Buddhists have long recognized: nothingness.
No-thingness isn´t emptiness or lack – it´s the shedding of illusions, the release of what you are not. It’s freedom. In that space, infinite potential exists. In nothing, there is everything.
Yes, it can be scary to face nothingness, but within lies beauty, freedom and surprisingly profound pleasure. Here, self-love arises naturally.
Self-love is not your usual to-do list. Self-love is not your usual affirmations. Self-love it not your usual self-care routine. It’s a state of being. It’s the realization that the love you’ve been seeking outside of yourself – from people, achievements, or validation, has been within you all along.
Pleasure from Within
Here’s the hidden truth: When you reconnect with your authentic self, something magical happens. Love becomes your natural state. And with it comes pleasure from within—a deep, unshakable joy that radiates through your body, mind, and soul.
True pleasure doesn’t come from fleeting moments or external approval. It is the bliss of being fully present in your essence, free from the need to be more, do more, or prove more. Let that sink in… you don´t have to do anything. Isn´t that liberating?
Coming Home to Yourself
The journey to self-love is about coming home. It’s about resting in the truth of who you already are.
Self-love is the authentic recognition of your own essence: love. So simple that you don´t believe me, right? Your ego screams: Yes, but my belly is too fat. If you don´t believe that voice you will find your authentic self. Much more: you don’t just love yourself— you are love. And from that place, your love radiates outward, creating deeper connections and more meaningful experiences in every part of your life.
Stay true. Stay bold. Stay you.
Big Love & Pleasure from Allgäu,
Mia O
